the "honeymoon phase" - my thoughts

     I read a facebook post recently from a newly married woman and her thoughts on the "honeymoon phase" of life, and I really related to what she had to say (I'll link her post here) so I wanted to give my own two cents about the subject. This post will probably be a little rant-ish and definitely not one of those life update blog posts, but I think it's pretty important for people to hear.

    When you tell people that you're about to get married, or that you just got married recently, the majority of responses from people are negative. Phrases like

-“oh that'll change.”

-“it won’t be like that for long.”

-“come talk to me after a few more years.”

-“that's so cute that you still like your husband.”

-“it’ll never last”

    This should NOT be normal! Marriage used to be seen as a beautiful covenant, meant to last forever. Marriage used to be well spoken of, giving encouragement and support to newlyweds. Instead, this world has now twisted the idea, making marriage seem like a trap and that all good things must come to an end. I don't know about you, but marriage to me was always seen and interpreted to be the most amazing and rewarding experiences that you will ever experience - apart from being a parent. So why is it spoken that having a bad and rough marriage is a "supposed to be"??

    Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is also really hard. Marriage is definitely not perfect, but nothing is in this life. You are a flawed human being, who is promising to spend the rest of your life devoted to another flawed human being. So many things could go wrong, but so many things could also go right. When someone you know gets married, shouldn't we praise and encourage instead of bring them down?? I mean, navigating life is already so hard, so why make it worse? Why discourage the honeymoon phase when it should be celebrated?! The honeymoon phase shouldn't even be a phase. Your goal should be to live out the "honeymoon phase" for the rest of your life. That's how you're going to truly live sacrificially for your spouse and experience the most joy and freedom in your marriage, but also as a person.

    If you've been married for more than a year, you know what the "honeymoon phase" is like. You want to spend every minute together, you think that everything that your spouse does is the cutest or the funniest.. life is just perfect. Even if you haven't been married for very long, even newly engaged couples or newly dating couples can relate to this feeling. You try everything to show your significant other how much you really love them. You go on creative dates and put so much effort into their Christmas and birthday gifts. You try everything you can to make the other person feel loved and appreciated and cared for. You do things out of your comfort zone cuz you know it will make them happy. That is the "honeymoon phase". That is what you should strive for in every single day of marriage. Of course, people are human and life happens and arguments arise and it's not always sunshine and rainbows. But it should be the mindset that you wake up every morning clinging to. The idea that marriage is beautiful and while my spouse can have their weaknesses, I chose to love this person til death and I will do my best to make the very best out of it. Choose to love them when they seem unlovable. Choose to share joy with them when they are feeling angry or sad. Just choose to live in that honeymoon phase until it won't be the "honeymoon phase", it'll just be how you live life with your husband or wife. Still have spontaneous dates and be silly and do things out of your comfort zone because it will express to your spouse that you love them more than you like being "comfortable" in your normal routine.

    Don't focus on how tough marriage could be, and instead focus on how wonderful marriage could be. Focus on just loving your husband or wife with every ounce of you and spend time actively pursuing them. I don't care if you've been married for 10 months or 10 years - spend time getting to know them every day. Because even when you think you know everything there is to know about your significant other, they blow your mind with new information. We grow over time and it's important that you continue to learn what they like or dislike or their passions because it won't always stay the same.

    I know this might be a little strange hearing all this marriage/relationship advice from a 22yr old who's only been married for 6 months. I know that I'm still new to the whole marriage thing and some might say that I'm still living in that "honeymoon phase". But I have also loved my husband through a lot of difficult life situations and our awkward life stages and several breakups and other hardships - I've loved him since I was 15. So I do know a thing or two about love.

    I hope that as you read this and you're preparing for marriage, that you don't get caught up in any negative ideas that people have brought your way and you really focus on why you chose to marry that person in the first place. I hope that if you're reading this and you've been married for 20 years, you don't take for granted the love and marriage that you have, and that you either start trying to live out that "honeymoon phase", or you continue to love your spouse with that love you had on your wedding day. If you aren't even married yet, I hope that you read this and are encouraged by what marriage could be if you put in the effort to make it as wonderful as possible. I hope that if you have been one to see marriage as a temporary situation that can't bring you true happiness, that you read this blog and think twice before sharing those thoughts with any other hopelessly-in-love couple that comes your way. I hope that this will change your perspective on what marriage really is. Marriage is hard work, but it's the most rewarding work you will ever experience. You get to love another human being for the rest of your life, and spend the rest of your life showing them how wonderful life can be and how amazing they really are, not how they think they are. It's sacrificial on both ends, and that is how it lasts. Marriage is where you get to point your significant other to Jesus, while they do the same to you. And when you really put all your focus on the other person and on Jesus' love towards the both of you, there's no way your marriage can fall apart. It will only grow deeper and greater.